I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
