big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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