I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
