Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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