if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
