I cockslap morals
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
