There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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