Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
