I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
What a dumb baby whore.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
