the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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