Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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