How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
