Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize