So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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