What did we do last night that was yellow?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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