dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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