guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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