she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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