you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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