just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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