and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
