I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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