Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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