ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
