the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You can't special order awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Just puked most of my soul out..
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize