Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
