I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
