Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
