Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
