I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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