I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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