I heard we made out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
