She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have aggressive nipples.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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