I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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