on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My feet surprised me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
