Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
