He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
