Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
