1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
