Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
