I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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