the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
