I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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