Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
