Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
