hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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