he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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