Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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