Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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