and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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