next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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