haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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