We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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