Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
