I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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