listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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