I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
