Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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