The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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