Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
