I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
