my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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