Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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