I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
